"An old woman boarded a Bus to Lagos from Calabar and told the driver: "Driver, please, when we reach Benin tell me o."
The driver nodded and then she shouted again: "My children, una hear wetin I tell am?"
Everybody responded: "Yes, Mama."
On the long journey to Lagos, everybody slept off and forgot about Mama's request.
After several hours of driving and then close to Lagos, with Benin about four hours behind, the old woman asked: "Driver, you never reach Benin since?" "Ooooh!" the driver exclaimed, "Mama, Benin is like four hours behind us."
"Ah!", the woman shouted and started crying, saying: "Take me back to Benin, abeg, I no wan wahala o." Considering the age of the woman, the passengers agreed that the driver should turn back to Benin.
On getting to Benin, the driver came down, opened the door and told the woman she was in Benin.
The woman simply opened her hand bag, brought out two tablets of Panadol and swallowed them with water. She then smiled and said:
"Thank you, my son. Na my daughter say when I reach Benin, make I drink two tablets of Panadol😳😳😳
"I don take am now, oya make we dey go Lagos..." if u ar d driver what will u do?😄😄😄😂😂😂
As you smile and laugh to this joke, may laughter never depart from You!!!👏👏👏
Laughter is a good medicine""
FACE YOUR FUTURE WITHOUT FEAR
Wednesday, 29 August 2018
IT'S HARD TO BE A TEACHER AT TIMES
*Teacher:* ''Construct a sentence using the word "sugar''
*Pupil:* ''I drank tea this morning.''
*Teacher:* ''Where is the word sugar.''
*Pupil:* ''It is already in the tea..!!''
😂😂😂😂😂😂
*TEACHER*: Our topic for today is Photosynthesis.
*TEACHER* : What is photosynthesis class?
*Student*: Photosynthesis is our topic today.
*Not Easy to be a Teacher !!!!!*
*TEACHER* : John is climbing a tree to pick some
mangoes. ( Begin the sentence with Mangoes)
*Student* : Mangoes, John is coming to pick you...
*TEACHER* : What do you call mosquitoes in your language?
*Student*: We don't call them, they come on their own...
*TEACHER* : Name the nation people hate most
*Student*: Exami-nation...
*TEACHER* : How can we keep our school clean?
*Student*: By staying at home...
😬😬😬
Have a great week ahead!! A TEACHER AT TIMES.*..
*Teacher:* ''Construct a sentence using the word "sugar''
*Pupil:* ''I drank tea this morning.''
*Teacher:* ''Where is the word sugar.''
*Pupil:* ''It is already in the tea..!!''
😂😂😂😂😂😂
*TEACHER*: Our topic for today is Photosynthesis.
*TEACHER* : What is photosynthesis class?
*Student*: Photosynthesis is our topic today.
*Not Easy to be a Teacher !!!!!*
*TEACHER* : John is climbing a tree to pick some
mangoes. ( Begin the sentence with Mangoes)
*Student* : Mangoes, John is coming to pick you...
*TEACHER* : What do you call mosquitoes in your language?
*Student*: We don't call them, they come on their own...
*TEACHER* : Name the nation people hate most
*Student*: Exami-nation...
*TEACHER* : How can we keep our school clean?
*Student*: By staying at home...
😬😬😬
*Pupil:* ''I drank tea this morning.''
*Teacher:* ''Where is the word sugar.''
*Pupil:* ''It is already in the tea..!!''
😂😂😂😂😂😂
*TEACHER*: Our topic for today is Photosynthesis.
*TEACHER* : What is photosynthesis class?
*Student*: Photosynthesis is our topic today.
*Not Easy to be a Teacher !!!!!*
*TEACHER* : John is climbing a tree to pick some
mangoes. ( Begin the sentence with Mangoes)
*Student* : Mangoes, John is coming to pick you...
*TEACHER* : What do you call mosquitoes in your language?
*Student*: We don't call them, they come on their own...
*TEACHER* : Name the nation people hate most
*Student*: Exami-nation...
*TEACHER* : How can we keep our school clean?
*Student*: By staying at home...
😬😬😬
Have a great week ahead!! A TEACHER AT TIMES.*..
*Teacher:* ''Construct a sentence using the word "sugar''
*Pupil:* ''I drank tea this morning.''
*Teacher:* ''Where is the word sugar.''
*Pupil:* ''It is already in the tea..!!''
😂😂😂😂😂😂
*TEACHER*: Our topic for today is Photosynthesis.
*TEACHER* : What is photosynthesis class?
*Student*: Photosynthesis is our topic today.
*Not Easy to be a Teacher !!!!!*
*TEACHER* : John is climbing a tree to pick some
mangoes. ( Begin the sentence with Mangoes)
*Student* : Mangoes, John is coming to pick you...
*TEACHER* : What do you call mosquitoes in your language?
*Student*: We don't call them, they come on their own...
*TEACHER* : Name the nation people hate most
*Student*: Exami-nation...
*TEACHER* : How can we keep our school clean?
*Student*: By staying at home...
😬😬😬
Friday, 10 August 2018
Couldn't stop laughing
FEEL THIS JOKE!
``` Two little boys stole a big bag of oranges from a neighbor & decided to go to a quiet place to share the lot equally.
One of them suggested the nearby cemetery.
As they were jumping over the gate to enter the cemetery, two oranges🍊🍊 fell out of the big bag but they didn't bother to pick them since they had enough in the bag.
Few minutes later, a drunkard on his way from a bar, passed near the cemetery gate & heard a voice saying: "One For Me, One For You, One For Me, One For You".....
He immediately sobered up & ran as fast as he could to a Church nearby, for the priest.......................
"Father, pls come with me. Come & witness God & satan sharing corpses at the cemetery"......
They both ran back to the cemetery gate & the voice continued: "One For Me, One For You, One For Me, One For You'............
Suddenly, the voice stopped counting & said:
"What About The Two At The Gate?" Let's get them .........
You should see the marathon..🏃🏾🏃🏾
The priest almost ran pass the church gate shouting:"We Are Not Dead Yet oohh!!!".
.... Now You're laughing... .
Don't be selfish, send it to your friends. Put a smile on someone's face..😆😆😆😆😆😆😆😆
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂```
``` Two little boys stole a big bag of oranges from a neighbor & decided to go to a quiet place to share the lot equally.
One of them suggested the nearby cemetery.
As they were jumping over the gate to enter the cemetery, two oranges🍊🍊 fell out of the big bag but they didn't bother to pick them since they had enough in the bag.
Few minutes later, a drunkard on his way from a bar, passed near the cemetery gate & heard a voice saying: "One For Me, One For You, One For Me, One For You".....
He immediately sobered up & ran as fast as he could to a Church nearby, for the priest.......................
"Father, pls come with me. Come & witness God & satan sharing corpses at the cemetery"......
They both ran back to the cemetery gate & the voice continued: "One For Me, One For You, One For Me, One For You'............
Suddenly, the voice stopped counting & said:
"What About The Two At The Gate?" Let's get them .........
You should see the marathon..🏃🏾🏃🏾
The priest almost ran pass the church gate shouting:"We Are Not Dead Yet oohh!!!".
.... Now You're laughing... .
Don't be selfish, send it to your friends. Put a smile on someone's face..😆😆😆😆😆😆😆😆
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂```
Wednesday, 8 August 2018
ONE BAD EGG
One time in the kitchen, I was making egg stew. My aunt came over (whose name I cannot mention because I don't want a family meeting😅) and said, "let me tell you a story".
She is the wife of a missionary and so often hosts people in their home. She said one of those days, late at night, they had visitors. It was past dinner time and there was no cooked food, so she went into the kitchen to figure out what to quickly fix for her hungry guests.
After searching, she got some rice, few stew items and just a tin of sardines, nothing else. When the stew was halfway, she remembered she had a few eggs kept for breakfast and decided to add them up directly into the stew. She broke egg after egg, I think 3, and on the last egg into the stew... it was a rotten egg.
It was too late to get rid of it and the whole pot of stew smelled so bad she had to throw everything away and face her hungry guests with the news. One bad egg.
When you read bios or the news of late, you'll notice that there are people who lived such great lives... excelled in their fields/talents and got everything going on. And then one bad trait/lifestyle/activity brings everything tumbling down. I'll give you 3 examples.
Whitney Houston. Amazing voice!!! And I guess she was a great woman too. She is the only woman to have had 7 consecutive number one Billboard Hot 100 songs.
The bad egg was the drugs, something she couldn't deal with... in time. It destroyed a lot in her life and ultimately led to her death. One bad egg
Bill Cosby. I loved his show!!! It represented to me the black culture that was positive and inspirational. The multiple sexual harassment scandals brought everything tumbling down. Now he has been classified as a sexual predator. Shows were cancelled, honorary degrees were taken. Over 50 of his honorary degrees have been rescinded. One bad egg.
Lastly, Justine Sacco. She was senior director of corporate communications at IAC. Sacco was fired after she sent an inappropriate tweet right before boarding a flight to South Africa.
“Going to Africa. Hope I don’t get AIDS. Just kidding. I’m white!”
Perhaps she's made those "jokes" before or similarly said such stuff all over. Perhaps she spilled subtle racism in her talks here and there. Never dealt with such a horrible mindset and now was going open. It cost her a deserved social media uproar, loss of reputation, global embarrassment... and her job.
And hey, we all have those. The bad eggs I mean. Those parts of our lives we categorize under "my weakness" and leave unattended. The little foxes we ignore and refuse to address. The unattended anger, excessive alcoholism, excessive laziness, chronic lying, disloyalty, uncontrolled lust, carelessness, abusive tendencies, hypocrisy, pretentiousness, backbiting, stealing, envy, covetousness, nepotism,... you know what you battle.
My aunt's story was to advise me to always break eggs separately before adding them to my sauce. To beat them up in a separate bowl so that at least if one is bad, only your eggs are ruined, and not your whole dish.
Fight your demons now. Tackle your "weaknesses" before you thirst for the limelight. Don't shelve them and assume they don't exist. Dedicate time to combating them before they are "added" to all you have strived to achieve in life. Fight them before they bring harm to people around you and cause inexonerable pain
"The excuses won't cut it once the bad egg gets into the stew"
She is the wife of a missionary and so often hosts people in their home. She said one of those days, late at night, they had visitors. It was past dinner time and there was no cooked food, so she went into the kitchen to figure out what to quickly fix for her hungry guests.
After searching, she got some rice, few stew items and just a tin of sardines, nothing else. When the stew was halfway, she remembered she had a few eggs kept for breakfast and decided to add them up directly into the stew. She broke egg after egg, I think 3, and on the last egg into the stew... it was a rotten egg.
It was too late to get rid of it and the whole pot of stew smelled so bad she had to throw everything away and face her hungry guests with the news. One bad egg.
When you read bios or the news of late, you'll notice that there are people who lived such great lives... excelled in their fields/talents and got everything going on. And then one bad trait/lifestyle/activity brings everything tumbling down. I'll give you 3 examples.
Whitney Houston. Amazing voice!!! And I guess she was a great woman too. She is the only woman to have had 7 consecutive number one Billboard Hot 100 songs.
The bad egg was the drugs, something she couldn't deal with... in time. It destroyed a lot in her life and ultimately led to her death. One bad egg
Bill Cosby. I loved his show!!! It represented to me the black culture that was positive and inspirational. The multiple sexual harassment scandals brought everything tumbling down. Now he has been classified as a sexual predator. Shows were cancelled, honorary degrees were taken. Over 50 of his honorary degrees have been rescinded. One bad egg.
Lastly, Justine Sacco. She was senior director of corporate communications at IAC. Sacco was fired after she sent an inappropriate tweet right before boarding a flight to South Africa.
“Going to Africa. Hope I don’t get AIDS. Just kidding. I’m white!”
Perhaps she's made those "jokes" before or similarly said such stuff all over. Perhaps she spilled subtle racism in her talks here and there. Never dealt with such a horrible mindset and now was going open. It cost her a deserved social media uproar, loss of reputation, global embarrassment... and her job.
And hey, we all have those. The bad eggs I mean. Those parts of our lives we categorize under "my weakness" and leave unattended. The little foxes we ignore and refuse to address. The unattended anger, excessive alcoholism, excessive laziness, chronic lying, disloyalty, uncontrolled lust, carelessness, abusive tendencies, hypocrisy, pretentiousness, backbiting, stealing, envy, covetousness, nepotism,... you know what you battle.
My aunt's story was to advise me to always break eggs separately before adding them to my sauce. To beat them up in a separate bowl so that at least if one is bad, only your eggs are ruined, and not your whole dish.
Fight your demons now. Tackle your "weaknesses" before you thirst for the limelight. Don't shelve them and assume they don't exist. Dedicate time to combating them before they are "added" to all you have strived to achieve in life. Fight them before they bring harm to people around you and cause inexonerable pain
"The excuses won't cut it once the bad egg gets into the stew"
Monday, 6 August 2018
GUIDE FOR COMING ELECTION
*FOOD FOR THOUGHT*©
President is a *Muslim*.
Vice President, a *Pastor*.
Senate President, a *Muslim*.
Deputy Senate President, a *Christian*.
Speaker, a *Christian*.
Deputy Speaker, a *Muslim*.
109 Senators are either *Muslims* or *Christians*.
360 Federal Representatives are either *Christians* or *Muslims*.
36 governors must be *Muslims* or *Christians*.
Over 900 states Assembly Members are either *Christians* or *Muslims*.
774 local Councils Chairmen/Chairpersons are either *Muslims* or *Christians*.
Over 10,000 Councillors are either *Christians* or *Muslims*.
All the Ministers, Commissioners, Advisers, Special Assistants are *Muslims* or *Christians*.
*Now*,
The *Muslims* among them have visited *Mecca* to perform lesser *Hajj* and bigger *Hajj*. They travel to *Saudi Arabia* to Stone the *Satan* .🤔 They pray *5* 🖐🏿 times a day. They attend *Jumat* prayers and they fasted.
The *Christians* among them may have visited *Jerusalem*. They attend Churches every Sunday. They praise *Jesus* to high Heavens. They pay *tithes, plant seeds and make offerings*. They fast too and read *Psalms* daily.
*But*,
World bank says *$600billion* have been stolen by those running the affairs of our country (NIGERIA 🇳🇬) over the last decades. These people are Nigerian *Christians* and Nigerian *Muslims*. 🙆🏻♂
*So*,
What are they teaching them, in their respective *Churches* and *Mosques*? 🤷♂
*Very soon*,
*2019 IS APPROACHING DO NOT ALLOW ANY SELFISH POLITICIAN DECEIVE YOU WITH RELIGION.*
*MOST OF THEM ARE NOT GOOD CHRISTIANS AND MUSLIMS.*
THEY ARE UNITED IN LOOTING AND DIVIDING US, ALONG RELIGIOUS LINES.
*BE WARNED !!!*
President is a *Muslim*.
Vice President, a *Pastor*.
Senate President, a *Muslim*.
Deputy Senate President, a *Christian*.
Speaker, a *Christian*.
Deputy Speaker, a *Muslim*.
109 Senators are either *Muslims* or *Christians*.
360 Federal Representatives are either *Christians* or *Muslims*.
36 governors must be *Muslims* or *Christians*.
Over 900 states Assembly Members are either *Christians* or *Muslims*.
774 local Councils Chairmen/Chairpersons are either *Muslims* or *Christians*.
Over 10,000 Councillors are either *Christians* or *Muslims*.
All the Ministers, Commissioners, Advisers, Special Assistants are *Muslims* or *Christians*.
*Now*,
The *Muslims* among them have visited *Mecca* to perform lesser *Hajj* and bigger *Hajj*. They travel to *Saudi Arabia* to Stone the *Satan* .🤔 They pray *5* 🖐🏿 times a day. They attend *Jumat* prayers and they fasted.
The *Christians* among them may have visited *Jerusalem*. They attend Churches every Sunday. They praise *Jesus* to high Heavens. They pay *tithes, plant seeds and make offerings*. They fast too and read *Psalms* daily.
*But*,
World bank says *$600billion* have been stolen by those running the affairs of our country (NIGERIA 🇳🇬) over the last decades. These people are Nigerian *Christians* and Nigerian *Muslims*. 🙆🏻♂
*So*,
What are they teaching them, in their respective *Churches* and *Mosques*? 🤷♂
*Very soon*,
*2019 IS APPROACHING DO NOT ALLOW ANY SELFISH POLITICIAN DECEIVE YOU WITH RELIGION.*
*MOST OF THEM ARE NOT GOOD CHRISTIANS AND MUSLIMS.*
THEY ARE UNITED IN LOOTING AND DIVIDING US, ALONG RELIGIOUS LINES.
*BE WARNED !!!*
Why Ladies Hate Doctors
Before giving Anesthesia *Doctor* asked *Lady:* " Whats Your Age Madam? "
Lady : 24 years!
*Doctor :* Madam are you sure this is correct age? Because the amount of Anesthesia will depend upon your age.
*Lady :* 30 years!
*Doctor :* Look Madam.. it's upto u. Lesser amount of Anesthesia could wake u up during operation and u could go into comma as well.
*Lady :* 38..
*Doctor :* ( Once again..) Look Madam.. if u are not gonna tell me ur real age then wrong amount of Anesthesia will directly affect your livers and they may fail as well.
*Lady* , screamed and said : "49! That's it, I am done."
😳😵😲😮😧😦😯😑😐😶
Lady : 24 years!
*Doctor :* Madam are you sure this is correct age? Because the amount of Anesthesia will depend upon your age.
*Lady :* 30 years!
*Doctor :* Look Madam.. it's upto u. Lesser amount of Anesthesia could wake u up during operation and u could go into comma as well.
*Lady :* 38..
*Doctor :* ( Once again..) Look Madam.. if u are not gonna tell me ur real age then wrong amount of Anesthesia will directly affect your livers and they may fail as well.
*Lady* , screamed and said : "49! That's it, I am done."
😳😵😲😮😧😦😯😑😐😶
DIGNITY IS NOT NEGOTIABLE
One morning at our Law College, when our new teacher for "Introduction to Rights" entered the classroom, the first thing he did was to ask the name of a student who was seated on the first bench: "What is your name?"
"My name is Juan, Sir."
"Leave the classroom and I don't want to ever see you in my class ever!" screamed the unpleasant teacher.
Juan was bewildered. When he got hold of his senses, he got up quickly, collected his belongings and left the classroom.
All were scared and angry; however nobody spoke anything.
"Well, let's start the class," said the new teacher. "What purpose do the enacted laws serve?"
We were afraid, but slowly gained confidence and we began to answer his questions.
"So that there is order in our society."
"No!" the teacher shouted.
"So that people pay for their wrong actions?"
"No! Doesn't anybody here have enough brains to know the answer to this question?!" asked the teacher, sarcastically.
"So that there is justice," said a girl timidly.
"At last! One person who is not a complete moron! That's correct.... so that there is justice. And now, what is the use of justice?"
All of us were extremely uneasy with his rude attitude. However, we continued trying to answer....
"To safeguard human rights."
"Well, what more?" asked the teacher.
"To differentiate right from wrong and to reward the good."
"Ok, that's not bad. However, answer this question: Did I act correctly when expelling Juan from the classroom?"
All were quiet, nobody answered.
"I want a decisive and unanimous answer!" he shouted.
"No!" we all replied in unison.
"Then could you say I committed an injustice?"
"Yes!"
Then his voice softened and he asked, "And why did nobody do anything in that respect? So why do we need rules and laws if we don't have the necessary will to practice them? Each one of you has an obligation to do something when you witness an injustice. ALL of you! Do not stay quiet, never again! Go and call Juan," he said staring at me.
On that day, I received the most practical lesson in my course of Law. When we don't defend our rights, we lose our dignity, and dignity is not negotiable.
"My name is Juan, Sir."
"Leave the classroom and I don't want to ever see you in my class ever!" screamed the unpleasant teacher.
Juan was bewildered. When he got hold of his senses, he got up quickly, collected his belongings and left the classroom.
All were scared and angry; however nobody spoke anything.
"Well, let's start the class," said the new teacher. "What purpose do the enacted laws serve?"
We were afraid, but slowly gained confidence and we began to answer his questions.
"So that there is order in our society."
"No!" the teacher shouted.
"So that people pay for their wrong actions?"
"No! Doesn't anybody here have enough brains to know the answer to this question?!" asked the teacher, sarcastically.
"So that there is justice," said a girl timidly.
"At last! One person who is not a complete moron! That's correct.... so that there is justice. And now, what is the use of justice?"
All of us were extremely uneasy with his rude attitude. However, we continued trying to answer....
"To safeguard human rights."
"Well, what more?" asked the teacher.
"To differentiate right from wrong and to reward the good."
"Ok, that's not bad. However, answer this question: Did I act correctly when expelling Juan from the classroom?"
All were quiet, nobody answered.
"I want a decisive and unanimous answer!" he shouted.
"No!" we all replied in unison.
"Then could you say I committed an injustice?"
"Yes!"
Then his voice softened and he asked, "And why did nobody do anything in that respect? So why do we need rules and laws if we don't have the necessary will to practice them? Each one of you has an obligation to do something when you witness an injustice. ALL of you! Do not stay quiet, never again! Go and call Juan," he said staring at me.
On that day, I received the most practical lesson in my course of Law. When we don't defend our rights, we lose our dignity, and dignity is not negotiable.
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